I have a confession: I don’t get Photoshop. For years I have looked at others using Photoshop for use in web design, preaching it’s the mother of all graphics packages. I have tried to see the proverbial light, I want to see what’s great, really I do “What is it that I’m missing!?” I cry, but I just hands down, don’t get it. And here’s why:

It’s Photoshop. Photo-shop. Photoooooooo-shop. Yeah I said it. It’s for photos. When I’m plunked down in-front of it trying to whip up a design prototype, there is nothing more frustrating then battling with its bitmap layered hell. I just want to point and click, and for it to select what I want. Perhaps I’m missing something major, but it’s something no tutorial or time has been able to remedy. No matter where you click, it selects the top layer. I have to go to the layer panel to select something under it? Even if it’s a tiny little square taking up about 0.99% of the canvas? No deal.

Now let’s look at Fireworks. Sweet, gentle Fireworks. I see an object. I click it. And hey-presto, it’s selected. This is truly break through shit. And, this is what’s key: It’s intuitive. I don’t need to remember keyboard shortcuts or dive off into panels to move or select an object, it’s all right there in front of me.

Vectors. Fireworks is as if Photoshop and Illustrator had a baby. I can go back to any object I made and remove effects, change fill, outlines, you name it: I can change it. In Photoshop I can’t select an object and see what filters it has applied to it, because it’s applied to the whole damn layer. Not only that it if I wanna remove or change it, tough. I can’t. Fireworks non-destructive filters are like Chicken Chow Mein; damn good.

If you’re reading this and screaming “BURN HIM!”, firstly, don’t. If it works for you, then congratulations, you’ve grasped what I’ve never been able to. As with everything, it comes down to personal preferences. I’ve been using Fireworks for years, so much so I’m still rocking Fireworks 8 of the Macromedia era on my laptop, because it still works great. Many nay-sayers said that Adobe would kill Fireworks with the Marcomedia acquisitions: yet it’s still here, and gearing up for its CS5 release, so it’s clear Adobe still think it’s an important part of their product line up. Which is a good thing. Everything I’ve ever made has used Fireworks at some point, from Fear Engine to Pocket Thorpe. And it’s great.

If you think you can let me know what I’m missing, send your suggestions on an A5 postcard to PO BOX, Photoshop Woes, Poole. Or you know, you could just email me. Yeah. Do that.

March 10, 2010 at 5:00 pm | No comments

CTRL + ALT + FAIL; School network woe’s

There’s 0010 kind’s of network. Ones that work, and ones that don’t. /sniggers. This is an article I wrote for my Sixth Form’s magazine, whether it’ll see the light of day or not is another matter, so I thought it was worthy to publish here. Some of this may apply for your school / college / hell hole too. Let the network fail begin.

If you’re reading these words then it’s by some miracle that the 1’s and 0’s from this document managed to circumnavigate the axis of evil that is the school’s IT network, and find their way to the printer. It’s these rare occasions that restore my faith in the network. No really. Really! No. That was all a lie. If I had a pound for every time I experienced a problem that prevented me from working, on just one day, I’d have £3.48. For those of you who are less informed than I, that’s a footlong Subway and a cookie. But the fact is I don’t get a pound every time that happens, for the sole reason it would probably amount to the GNP of a small country over the course of a week. So not only am I left hungry, but I’m also left hurling insults at a machine in a desperate attempt for it to somehow become self aware and cure itself of the PH bug. Actually, that’s probably more likely.

Now, I’m fortunate enough to have my own laptop in Sixth Form which means I find myself duelling with the network less often than the other 2,000 or so rest of you. However recently as part of my ICT course I’ve begun learning the delicate art of Microsoft Access, which requires I use the network. I was cautiously optimistic that things would go smoothly, and that things had improved. I was about as wrong as Comic Sans.

Level 1. Logging on.
A relatively simple process only made easier by the handy dandy keyboard diagram of how to do “ctrl + alt + del”. Fabulous. “Your user profile could not be loaded”. Odd. A glitch with just this machine perhaps. No problem, i’ll just slide across to the next machine. “Your user profile could not be loaded”*. Perhaps if I keep pressing return it’ll eventually give in. “Your user profile could not be loaded”. “Your user profile could not be loaded”. “Your user profile could not be loaded”. “Windows is shutting down, closing network connection.” I was under the impression there was no network connection to begin with, thus my user profile could not be loaded, but hey ho, a restart. I can now answer with confidence when asked by tech support “Have you tried turning it on and off?”. After 10 minutes, several restarts and a Subconjunctival haemorrhage, I’m in. Level up.

Level 2. Connecting to the Internet / Doing computery things.
Again a relatively simple task at first glance, and what one might expect to do with something as hi-tech as a computer, but the reality is anything but simple, or computery. Once / If you’ve logged in you’ll be faced with an agonising delay whilst the computer does…actually I don’t have a clue what it’s doing. But I can tell you what it’s not doing, and that’s opening the Internet browser. After repeatedly hammering the Internet icon several times 500 new windows spring forth out of no where, littering the screen with flashing orange tabs. It’s the closest thing to a happy slap the computer can do. This action of-course brings the system to it’s knees and a forced restart swiftly follows. You go to login again only to be told your logged in at “RM_06 23″, which causes the computer to restart again. Wait, the computer you’re trying to login IS “RM_06 23″. This sudden paradox causes not only your head to implode, but the universe as we know it to rip at the seams. It’s like dividing by zero, or putting Google into Google.

Level 3. Logging out.
Considering it put up such a fight letting you log in, you’d think it would be happy to see the back of you. Wrong. Now it doesn’t want you to go. Clicking log out doesn’t simply log you out, oh no, instead something crashes, which brings up an “End Now” dialogue, which in turn then hangs your logout. You’re walking away, off to your next lesson, blissfully unaware of the trauma that lay ahead. You attempt to login again next period only to be greeted with “The maximum number of logins allowed are 1. Currently logged in RM_06 23″. Enraged with anger you leap from your seat and head back to that sod of a RM_06 23 computer, only to slip on a patch of ice, injuring your back and inadvertently landing on a puppy, oh and you ruined Christmas for everyone, did I mention that? Yeh. You cold heartless person you.

Okay so a somewhat slight dramatisation at the end there, but the basic premises holds true. The school IT network is relied on by hundreds of student and teaching staff every week, it’s responsible for ensuring ICT lessons go ahead smoothly, and everyone receives a well rounded education. So why is something as important as this, so utterly terrible and unreliable? Sure, problems happen, but everyday? Can we sort it, please? Anyways, suppose it isn’t that bad, least it lasted long enough to finish my arti

January 14, 2010 at 10:51 pm | No comments

Pocket Thorpe now on the App Store